Do you believe in Soulmates? Someone that you share soul energy with, a person that you have possibly shared lives with or exchanged time with each other in another life time?
I think society brings up women especially to believe in “fairy tales” that we have this one person we are destined to be with and that you will be with this person and live happily ever after.
It is my belief that this doesn’t always happen with Soulmates. I also believe there are different types of Soulmates, ones that are in our lives for a pre determined amounts of time and others for a lifetime. Some are love relationships, others are friendship relationships. However, one thing remains the same; all Soulmates come into our lives to teach us a lesson of some sort.
For the purpose of this post, I am going to talk to what I believe was my exchange with my souls “pair”, the person I think if not in this lifetime, is my true “Twin flame” or “Souls match”.
This “fairy tale” starts off in provincial court in October 2008, yes how romantic!
Long story short, I had been sideswiped by a reckless driver a few months back who refused to pay his ticket. I had been summoned to testify in court this day.
Funny enough, being the man crazed person I am, I walked into court that day looking around for any cute, potential “lookers’ to keep my eyes on in order to offset my boring court day ahead. I didn’t see anyone of course and sat at the back of the courtroom near the entrance doors.
Court begins and in barges this guy, totally gorgeous, intense brown eyes. Let’s call this gorgeous character Mr. B. Mr. B looks around the courtroom and sets his eyes on the immediate chair next to me.
I had never been to court before and was not EXACTLY sure that I was in the right courtroom because I could not see the Officer that was in charge of my case in the courtroom at the time. I opted to ask the gorgeous Mr. B next to me if I was in the right room, why not? Good excuse to start conversation, or I can look like an idiot for not knowing where I am….either way I leaned over and whispered to him.
I don’t even remember what he answered at the time, obviously I was in the right courtroom (I really was not that concerned at the time). We chatted the whole morning, waiting for our cases to be called at the disgust of the courtroom Officer who kept giving us the evil eye for disrupting the court.
Finally, Mr. B gets called in front of the judge and you will never guess for what. This is where the “fairy tale” may get skewed in some people’s minds ha-ha.
Mr. B was summoned for public indecency of some sort. Basically Mr. B was peeing in public on his way home from the bar and got caught. In order to fight his ticket, he had to come to court to get the charges reduced. You are thinking what a “winner” I know, I know, but it gets better.
Anyway, Mr. B gets his ticket reduced and proceeds to leave the courtroom. He gives me a little wave as he walks to the back of the courtroom and walks out. I was disappointed, kind of crappy to meet a guy in court, it’s not like he would ask me out right? Court begins proceeding again and in barges Mr. B again! The officer at the front of the courtroom turns and just shakes his head. Mr. B comes back and sits down next to me and asks me for my number. YESSSS!
What a story to tell the grandchildren! I picked up your Grandpa in court for peeing in public!
The next week we were inseparable. Mr. B would make comments like he knew we had something indescribable, such as ,“I had given up before I had met you, I guess it always happens when you least expect it”. I disobeyed all the rules and slept with him on the second date and every day there after for the next two weeks.
Then one day he disappeared. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. I could not get a hold of him. I was feeling insane at the time. No warning signs, we were practically inseparable and then he was gone from my life.
For the next three weeks, I sent him two texts trying to elicit some conversation with no response. Then one night while lying in my bed I receive a text ,“Can I come by?” Ignoring all intuition I said, YES.
He is already literally standing outside my door when I answer, but he won’t come in. He keeps repeating “I am sorry”, “I just don’t want to hurt you”, “I would never want to hurt you”, “I am scared”. This goes on for a few minutes with him refusing to come in, that he just wanted me to know how much he cared about me and that he freaked out and then didn’t know how to explain his actions. I coaxed him in and we just held each other. I indicated that we could take the relationship as slow as he wanted, whatever made him feel most comfortable.
I started to realize that I was in love with Mr. B when I would wake up in the middle of the night and find him sleeping next to me. I would snuggle up and listen to his breathes as he slept. As corny as that sounds, I loved to watch him sleep.
Mr. B over the next few months came in and out of my life.
During these months, I struggled to understand what was happening. I even went to see a Psychic healer who was referred to me from a close friend. This psychic was not your typical psychic; she worked out of her home, no address, no call-ins, no money exchanged. She believed that true psychics do not try to take advantage of their gift. I had gone to see her once before and was surprised at her ability to not only read my situation with pertinent detail but pull from and read the energies/people around me.
She indicated that Mr. B recognized me as his souls match. That we had been together in previous lives, that he was struggling with inner demons and had intense anxiety over this situation and his life’s purpose. Obviously she gave me personal details about Mr. B, but perhaps not proper for blog format. In the end, she indicated he would be back and not to worry, that we would be together.
In January 2009, I bought Mr. B and I tickets to a sporting event. We went and couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Not in a sexual way even, we just always wanted to be touching, we kissed profusely and yes it was extremely hard to watch the “game”. At the end of the night we had a long talk and he came back to my place. Everything seemed perfect. This was the guy I was going to marry and I knew it.
The next day I received a text from him, then nothing.
I called, texted, wrote him an email. Nothing.
Then a week later I received a text that read something like, “Sorry I am not ready for all this, I am sorry….”. After he sent the text I called him because I knew he was by his phone, but he didn’t pick up.
A month went by with no contact. Then one night I got so intoxicated I start drunk dialing Mr. B….over and over again. I don’t remember the night very well but Mr. B did come to meet me and went back with me to my place for a bit. The next day he was gone and I received a nasty text saying, “You must have called me 20 times last night, I am sorry we will never be together, but if you want to be friends we can”. I responded with a polite “sorry” and that obviously I was intoxicated and for him to “chill out”. Oddly enough, I received a text from his close friend five minutes later saying “Sorry Mr. B is an asshole”. Why was he freaking out so much about a few phone calls? Nothing made sense.
I called in sick to work for the next few days later. I could not pull myself out of bed, I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck. Everything no longer seemed congruent. The pain I felt was like nothing I had ever felt before. I felt paralyzed.
As months went by, I went back to see the psychic, she confirmed again “He would be back”, “All will be well”.
Months and months passed, I began to feel better but not a week went by that I did not think about Mr. B. Through some sleuthing I had found out he had a girlfriend a few months after we had parted. By this time they had almost been together a year.
Then one day in July 2010, I was walking to local pub and a car drove by that looked like Mr. B’s. It took my breath away, and I sputtered to my friends “I am going to run into Mr. B”. We sat out on a patio that overlooked the street/sidewalk. I remember I kept looking at this one corner of the building over and over again for the first hour feeling uneasy. Then around the corner walks Mr. B, he is with someone, I know it is “her” but its like she is not even there. He see’s me immediately and we stare at each other smiling intensely and waving as he walks by.
As short as the encounter was, I was elated. The feelings were definitely still there a year and a half later for me, but where they there for him?
For the next week after I struggled with whether I should try contacting him. I decided to send him a note online saying it was great to see him and if he wanted to catch up sometime I would love to.
Mr. B wrote back immediately, saying he would love to catch up and we began to text back and forth. The problem was he had a girlfriend and both of us were conscious of that. I could see that he was hesitating to meet up with me because he knew that if we met we would not be able to control ourselves. He would text me, then when I would respond he would not write back. At one point he wrote to me saying “Don’t text me until I text you, my girlfriend does not know”.
Finally one night we couldn’t take it anymore we decided to meet. I walked outside to meet him and we embraced on the street and started kissing passionately. We walked inside and sat on the couch. You would think it would be weird after not seeing each other for almost two years, but it wasn’t. It was as if no time had passed.
I blurted out “I am madly in love with you and have been in love with you since the time we met”.
He turned to me and said “I know, I just wasn’t ready for all this when we were dating, I love you too, I always have, I have never stopped thinking about you. But things are kind of complicated right now. I live with a girl and she has no idea.”
I asked Mr. B if he was in love with this woman and he said, ‘No”, but that he cared about her and didn’t want to hurt her, that he would need time to break things off and that he would have nowhere to live. He would have to figure it out.
After intense conversation, we decided to go to bed. As you can imagine how that went we embraced passionately and then went to sleep in each others arms.
The next morning we woke up and I drove him to his car. We kissed and I said I would see him soon.
I returned to my apartment and had a shower. When I got out of the shower there was a missed call from Mr. B. I thought “Weird”, I had just left him. I texted him asking if he accidentally called me and he called me back.
Mr. B’s voice was not the same, he sounded panicked. He said “I am so sorry, I can’t do this. I do love this girl, I really do, and I will probably marry her.” He said he went home and looked around the house at all the pictures and decided that he couldn’t walk away from his relationship. He said that him and I could stay in touch but that was it, for me to “Move on”.
I was in shock, I actually laughed at him. I didn’t believe him for one second. I was thinking at the time he was having an anxiety attack of some sort because he sounded out of breath. I didn’t know what to say other than “You told me you loved me last night and you didn’t love her”. He just kept repeating “I know, I know, I don’t know what was going on in my head, I am sorry”. It was like he was trying to convince me, or more over himself that he loved her. Whatever the reason I got off the phone and stared at it for a while.
A few days later I sent him a note expressing my feelings and my take on what had happened that magical night. We had “recognized” each other. He wrote back, for me to respect his relationship and not to contact him anymore.
I was again thrown into utter disarray. I even sought out a “Soul Coach” to assist me to calm my anxiety through mediation and other workings. The soul couch, a lot like the psychic, indicated that I had a strong tie to a man, and that she could not see it happening any other way than for us to be together. That this man could choose free will to fight against this connection but he will forever be laden with anxiety and sadness.
Mr. B and I have not seen or talked since. Through some sleuthing I am pretty sure he is engaged. I have not panicked yet, for a part of me does not actually believe he will marry this woman.
I did some research online with key words that described my situation and came across the following site highlighting the term “Soul Shock”. Soul Shock is defined as the pain and distress the soul experiences when your Twin-Flame/Soul-Mate abandons you. The link above describes the signs of Soul Shock in more detail if you are interested. It is a fascinating perspective, highlighting stories that are remarkably the same as my own. Do you believe in coincidences?
Sometimes I wonder if this relationship will forever haunt me and my future relationships. For the feeling I had with Mr. B was unlike anything from this world.