Recently one of my best friends approached me to see if I would mind her writing an article for my blog. Like a lot of us 20-30 something’s, she is going through an intense change in her life right now. Where she thought she would be at almost 30 is not where her life has taken her causing immense anxiety and reflection. I am proud of her for wanting to reach out and write her thoughts. I find it incredible how words can convey such emotion sometimes. Her article gave me chills, because I know exactly what she is going through, when you are struggling to find yourself and your way back to love.
Can you betray yourself?
It’s true, you can…and I have. I believe it’s true that in many of our relationships, we lose a bit of ourselves. We put so much into some of our boyfriends, that at times, we forget exactly who we are.
I have been in a serious relationship for most of my 20s, I was so unconditionally in love with this person that I never really thought that we would break-up or that they could still have an impact on me a couple of years after we finally said our good-byes. It has taken an ‘awakening’ situation for me to realize that the reason that I haven’t fully recovered from the relationship is because I lost some of myself to that person and I don’t know how to get it back.
I wouldn’t have said at the time that there was anything wrong with the relationship, anything out of the ordinary anyways. But in retrospect, that person could not fill any of my emotional needs because of their own issues. I struggled with this inside for years and my solution at the time was just to keep giving more and more of myself, hoping that in return, I would get the support that I needed back. This obviously did not work.
I was disloyal to myself. I thought that I could fulfill love for myself through the love someone else gave me. I have betrayed myself by letting my actions break me down.
Ironically, the reason this has all come up is that I recently felt betrayed by this person, but in over analyzing the situation (the way every girl does), it has helped me realize that the person I am most mad at is me. I believe we have all been where I am at one point in our lives, disappointed with our selves and broken down.
Does it mean that we shouldn’t love someone as much as we do, if they don’t know how to love us back? Ultimately, I think the answer is yes…move on with yourself and inevitably, you will find an equal. You won’t have to worry about getting yourself back the way I am, because you’ll never feel that you ever had to give it away.