When in doubt do nothing

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dating, fear of taking action, Intuition, love, men and women, Relationships, rules to dating, spontaneous action, to act or not act when dating, universe, when in doubt do nothing, when the time is right

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When in doubt do nothing.

It’s an interesting thought when it comes to dating.  One of my male friends says this to me continuously when I am questioning whether to message a guy I like, speak up about my feelings or act in general.

It kind of makes sense when you think about it Universally too.   If you are not totally sure/confident in your idea/action then, don’t do it. 

Wait until you are perhaps a bit more comfortable taking that action. 

I am starting to learn that Men react better to non action or absence anyways, so this theory would be in line wth that.

Ofcourse there have got to be exceptions to this rule, obviously some actions/ideas should be spontaneous and in the moment.  For example, if there is an opportunity to kiss that special someone and you are nervous or unsure, sometimes its better to face that fear and grab that kiss.  That could be  the difference…doubt versus fear.  Are you doubting your action or just afraid? 

Have you ever heard the saying “when the time is right”?  I think most of us who learn to listen to our gut and intuition would follow this analogy.  If we are doubting the action/thought then the time may not be right.

Interesting.  What do you think?

Is it ok to tell them you like them??

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dating, dating games, is it okay to tell them you like them?, is it possible to scare a guy away?, men and women, Relationships, rules to dating, single women

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I think it would be so cool to tell work guy I like him.

Our project is coming to an end and every time I see him I feel so happy and definitely want to get to know him better.  I can’t get enough of him right now but I want more LOL

Part of me feels that because it is work we are in a hard spot.  Even if I could tell him I like him, it feels risky.  I would  still see him all the time either way.

We have been hanging out for a month now and I really just want it out in the open regardless. 

Does it scare guys to tell them you like them?  It’s definitly putting my heart on the line.  I just feel like lately when I have been seeing him there is all this sexual frustration and I am not sure how to act anymore…I really want to kiss him.

Is telling him that I like him a bad thing?  Or do actions speak louder than words?  I feel that because its work, it would make more sense to tell him how I am feeling in order to get rid of those work boundaries.

I am going to think about it some more.

My heart tells me he likes me….he could be worth the risk.

The Way A First Date Should Be

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dating, dating a coworker, first date etiquette, men and women, Relationships, rules to dating, taking things slow in relationships

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I went on a first date/hangout tonight with work guy.

I really like him, he is totally unlike any guy I have ever hung out with.  I guess I never realized what first dates SHOULD be like until now. 

It was super casual, we sat at the bar/resto across the street after work.  He ordered a pizza to share and we had a few beers. 

No topic was actually off the table tonight, including ex’s but that could have been because we have technically been hanging out at work for about a month now. 

I wasn’t drunk, he didn’t really try to make a move, I offered to pay for the tip and he let me.  It was actually kind of cute and the most sincere, honest date I have ever been on.

Normally on dates, I feel like the guy is trying to jump my bones.  I have never left a first date without a kiss even…..this is interesting, I left with a hug.  I have always equated the “physical” as meaning the guy really liked me and found me attractive, but now this is different…deeper, more intriguing. 

I guess you would call this a mature date.  He is taking the time to get to know me, something I am not used to when it comes to guys.  It’s a nice feeling.

I can’t wait to learn more about him and see where this goes.

Dating Wise Words: Let Things Unfold Naturally

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dating, let things unfold naturally, love, men and women, Relationships, rules to dating, single women, step away from fear in relationships

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There was no hang-out or date this weekend.

And now surprisingly upon contemplation I am OK with it.

I actually had written a post yesterday and took it down, it was a reactive post rather than a reflective post.

I realized this weekend that I am guarding my heart so much all the time that I end up hurting myself.  I am always trying to think 5 steps in front of everyone, either through stupidly creeping on Facebook or making assumptions on events I have no facts about.  I am so deathly afraid of being hurt I would rather try to figure out that they are “bad“ or going to hurt me before they catch me off guard.  What a horrible way of thinking and a possible self-fulfilling prophecy.

I never will, nor do have all the answers.  It`s not going to get me anywhere by trying to predict the future.  I really just want to and need to step back and start enjoying every moment for what it is.

Letting my relationships unfold for what they are should be exciting not something that causes angst.  Peeling back those layers should be an amazing feeling.  I want to embrace that.

It’s a new approach and one that I think is timely.  When something isn`t working for you, its best to reflect and try something new.  Being in a negative, fear driving state is never going to fully allow me to be the person I am capable of and perhaps already am.

What a beautiful thought that someone will love me for me one of these days and I will have let things unravel how they are meant to unravel and embraced every moment for what it is.

Is it ever a good idea to date a co-worker?

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dating, dating in the workplace, is it ever a good idea to date a co-worker?, love, men and women, Relationships, rules to dating

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I have this crazy lusty crush on a guy at work.

To put the situation in perspective, we have two projects that we are currently working on together BUT we don’t actually work in the same department, its more of a consultant role between the two of us.

He is new to my company.  I had seen him around the building a few times and we would exchange looks, but what do you do, its work?

SO I was elated when he took on one of the pieces of a project I am working on.  There was really no need to meet up in person but we would talk on the phone quite a bit discussing the details of the project and eventually a bit about our personal lives.

Have you ever been on the phone and had an intense flirt session with the person?  I definitely have that playful nature with this guy.  It is exciting and he makes me nervous to the point I blush, I never blush.

He kept saying over the phone I should pop up so that we could formally meet, even though we both knew who each other was.  I kind of held back and never dropped by because I knew I had a crush and didn’t want to feed into it.

Then a bit over a week ago I received a meeting invite from him called “Meet and Greet”.  I found it a bit odd that he had marked it as Private and not booked a room.  We ended up meeting for tea in the cafeteria that day and talked for over an hour (yes clearly I was working hard).  Now for the past week he has been emailing me, calling me every day and we have been going on 1 hour walk excursions outside (again working hard).

This past Friday he insinuated we go out for a drink, but I already had plans.  He said he would text me later anyway to see if I was still busy, but I never heard from him.

Normally I would be totally freaking out, but this guy….I really like him.  I don’t think he has any ill intentions.  WHAT I do think is that both of us are a little standoff-ish because it’s a work relationship. I intentionally never initiate anything with him, emails, nothing.

I know its far-fetched at this point and pessimistic, but what would happen if we dated and broke-up?  It would be horrible seeing him around the building or talking to other women.  OR even if I just had sex with him, a guy at work has now seen me naked!!! ….I don’t know.   The drama, the potential rumors, is it worth it?

I haven’t felt this excited about a guy in a while, I am not even sure if it will move into a dating relationship or not.  I do know regardless we have a good friendship base.

I guess I know once I cross that line I will not be able to go back…

Is it ever really a good idea to date a co-worker?

How to make them come crawling back – Act like a Dude

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being dumped, breakups, chase, dating, dating games, how to get your ex back, how to make him want you back, men and women, never chase a guy, Relationships, rules to dating, should i contact him?

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Dealing with break-ups is one of the hardest things to endure; I would in some respects equate a break-up to a death of someone close to you. 

 Having had that person in your life one day and then adjusting to them being instantaneously gone out of your life, is incredibly heart breaking. 

 Most of the time all you want to do is talk to the person and see them (especially if you were not the initiator of the breakup)!

 This is what NOT to do after a break-up.  Believe me I have given in one too many times to temptation and it never works. 

 The best thing you can do if someone breaks up with you is NOT CONTACT THEM. 

 Men respond better to absence.  Make them wonder what you are doing.  If they think they can still have you if they break up with you, why would they bother getting back together with you? You are essentially giving them the best of both worlds! 

 Believe me I have tried the long notes professing my love, the late night drunk dialing, the texting after a week (I thought that was a long time to wait to check in!!), or the running into them by “accident”.  It does not work. 

 What I have found works the best is making them wonder.  Essentially act like a Dude!  Act like you don’t care, less emotions (on the outside) and more focus on yourself. 

 I have started to understand that men in some respects can feel just as insecure as women sometimes.  You have to remember when they break up with you they are not always sure; they may question the situation as much as you do.  But they have to know what it feels like to miss you for them to understand what they truly feel. By you constantly trying to stay in contact, it is only going to take them that much longer (if at all) to realize what they want.

 By creating space you essentially set the standard that you are independent and not needy.  It is a win win situation for you because if you create space it allows you to begin to focus on yourself more and not rely so much on the relationship.  You may find you don’t even want that person back after distance has been created. 

 Mr. P texted me this past week after a month of not speaking.  For those that don’t remember Mr. P, please refer to my post Why do women always want the ”bad boys”?  He apologized for the way things ended and wanted to initiate contact again.  I don’t anticipate anything coming out of this because I am over it now and don’t really want to date him again.  BUT I totally ignored the guy and let him be. 

Regardless of how bad your breakup is. Creating space and not contacting them works like a charm! 

Drive them crazy instead of them driving you crazy.

What about the Man Cave? Is it just a Fallacy?

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being dumped, chase, dating, dating games, is he the one?, mars and venus on a date, men, Relationships, rules to dating, should i contact him?, the man cave, uncertainty in relationships

Time and time again I have met a guy, we have hit it off, he messages me, pursues me, we spend a lot of time together.  Then one day he disappears, does not call as much (or not at all) and is perpetually “busy”.  This ultimately leads to the demise of the relationship, nothing is ever the same after a guy essentially becomes absent.  My friends and I often refer to this as “the man cave”, where a man typically retreats in the first few months of a relationship while he contemplates if the relationship is what he wants or not, and if he is even ready for a relationship.  The book, Mars and Venus by John Gray often refers to this time in the uncertainty phase.   

 There is no penetrating the man cave either, yes I said penetrate.  You cannot attempt to talk to a man while he is in a man cave for fear of pushing him away even further.  It tends to make women crazy, wondering what went wrong!

 Here is the thing though, if he was really the right man, would this even happen?  Would a man need to resort to retreating into his man cave if he was really that into you?  It seems so complicated and I would like to think that with the right person it would be easy.  At this age, with the baggage people bring to relationships, I am not so sure anymore.

 It would be nice to hear from a man about what goes through a mans head when he retreats.  Is it REALLY because he is contemplating getting serious with you or is he just not that into you?

Does asking a Man out essentially “castrate his balls”?

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asking a guy out, dating, dating games, men, never chase a guy, rules to dating, universe, when should a girl ask a guy out?

In the spirit of moving on and opening myself up again, I have been thinking about my “non-date” with Harley dude last week.  

 We had a fun night, shared a kiss and exchanged numbers.  Unfortunately, last weekend was the long weekend so we were all away until Sunday and have not really had a chance to speak much since.  

 It is now Wednesday and being the Woman planner that I am, I am already thinking about the weekend and what I want to do.  I thought what better way to spend the weekend then on a date with a fun, free-spirited guy, like Harley dude.  

 BUT: It’s Wednesday and knowing guys, they do not think about the weekend until Friday and are not known for their planning capabilities. 

 When would be a logical time frame for a guy to ask a girl out for the weekend?  A Thursday?  And if he was to ask me out Friday for Friday, would the RULE be that I would need to reject his last-minute offer and be unequivocally “busy” for the night?

 I would rather just send him a text on Thursday and ask him what he is up to this weekend and go from there.  I asked my close friend about my plan and she said, “Why don’t you just castrate his balls?  Let the guy ask you out and be a Man”. 

 Hmmm.

 Does asking a Man out turn them off?

 One could say if he was really interested, you would find out because he would eventually ask you out and take the initiative.  But isn’t it a turn on when the Woman takes the initiative?

 Why does everything have to be so traditional when it comes to dating where I am always afraid to make a move or “mess up”?

Perhaps better not to make a move right now if I am not sold on what to do.  

I am hoping the Universe will give me a sign lol.

Are there truly any rules to dating the “right” way?

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dating, John Gray, mars and venus on a date, men, never chase a guy, rules to dating

When I think about how many rules I have heard about when it comes to dating my mind begins to get a bit fuzzy.  There are the Universal rules, “Never chase a guy” and of course your own personal dating rules “Can I really picture myself having sex with this guy?”.  

Some of the rules that come to mind are:

Rule 1: Never initiate or chase a guy: Let him come to you.  Men tend to “disappear” for extended period of times to supposedly retreat back to their masculinity and assess their relationships, as women we are told not to question this and accept them when they decide to come back

Rule 2: Never have sex on the first date: Wait until you have agreed that you are in a monogamous relationship

Rule 3: Do not be too available: Make plans and do not wait or accept plans within 24 hours of the next dating day.  

Rule 4: Do not overpower your man: Innately men like to feel that they can take care of their woman, for independent, strong women, how does this fit?

Rule 100: Need I go on?

I personally tend to get caught up in over thinking the “rules” instead of how I am truly feeling by following my gut and making up my own rules along the way.

 For myself, I struggle between “if its meant to be, it will be” and what, if any control, do I have in the outcome of these relationships?

My friend recently leant me the book “Mars and Venus on a Date” by John Gray.  I have yet to get past Stage 2, the “Uncertainty” stage.  In this stage, men often disappear unexpectedly while they contemplate the relationship causing some women to feel insecure and wonder WHAT WENT WRONG?

Purchase Mars and Venus On A Date

If you want an easy, fun read about navigating the stages of dating, I have found it enlightening to hear a man’s perspective when it comes to dating and some of the “tips” to consider.  I am still working on getting to Stage 3 The “exclusivity phase“….lets be hopeful.

Two questions for you:

What do you think are the dating rules that should be followed and what are the rules that could be overlooked? 

Do rules even matter if you are with the right person?